Tuesday, May 14, 2013


The Fairmont has had such wild success with its €5 "corkage" rule on food and beverages that it's extending its policy to cover a wide range of other items that guests might try to sneak in to their room.

At present, guests are charged €5 for any item of food or drink that they bring in to the room themselves (this includes water, or any life-saving medicine that you might have brought with you, decanted into plastic water bottles).

Fairmont cleaning ladies are briefed to check dustbins for evidence of "introduced items" and this is then added to guests' bills.

The policy has gone so well that the Fairmont has now decided to charge corkage for ANY item which could conceivably be obtained from the hotel. So any guest now found bringing their own shampoo, conditioner or bath gel, cotton wool ear buds, shower cap, shoe cleaning equipment, flannel, towel or loo roll will now be charged €5 per item.

You must NOT use your own condoms because the Fairmont supplies plenty of these in the mini-bar. And if you want to have sex, you MUST use one of the many prostitutes available in the lobby. Even if you just want to talk all night or "cuddle up and spoon", you will be charged corkage if you try to do this with a woman that you brought yourself.

Obviously this will come as a relief to some people because they can now tell their wife or girlfriend that, although they would love to take them to Monaco, they can't afford the "corkage" costs. The Fairmont has also been considering ways to charge corkage for any photographs guests take as the hotel sells perfectly good postcards in the gift shop, but this idea is still in development.