EPT Event #4: somewhere in Ireland

There are reports (largely unconfirmed, and from totally unreliable sources such as poker players, journalists and government agencies) that somewhere near the Regency Airport Hotel was a large and lovely city where weak players would find the strength to raise pre-flop, idiots would learn to fold and journalists made of tin would find a heart.

I never saw this city myself and, needless to say, nor did i ever meet anyone who had been there either. But suffice to say, the Regency Hotel was awash with rumours about the place.

Some Norwegians optimistically setting off for Dublin .....

.... but failing to request the following map from reception

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So highlights from the EPT Season 3 Regency Airport Hotel, Ireland event:

Highlight #1: dinner with Conrad. A perfectly lovely 90 minutes until Conrad said he really missed former PS blogger Howards Swains (now a Columbia journalism school student covering the Bronx) because they saw "eye to eye". Massive attack of jealousy. So bad I couldn't order pudding. Apparently Conrad and I only see "heart to heart". Deeply depressing. Eye-to-eye far better. Cerebral, intelligent and stimulating. Heart-to-heart is just wishy-washy nonsense. Conrad not forgiven but borrowed 50 euros off him later which he may forget about.

Highlight #2: Team Sit'n'Go featuring Simon Young, Spearmint, Sven, Neil, Daniel Wallin, Jemma, Conrad, Karen, Gregoire. Great game - played brilliantly. Daniel thinks I should have been more aggressive but he knows nothing about poker. I was Bubble Girl. Simon Young and Daniel chopped for 1st. The pair then chopped again in Team Sit'n'Go No. 2 which I did not attend. (Daniel is my current favourite man in the whole world apart from John Duthie and Richard Thompson)

Highlight #3: cigarette with John Duthie in Smoking Area 6.

Highlight #4: Snoopy from Blondepoker giving me last-minute quality insights for the final table player profiles. "He has a nice house. it has a gym" etc etc . Hilarious. Unusable.

Highlight #5: The following: Daniel Wallin (current favourite man in the whole world), Conrad Brunner, Steve from Gutshot (who offered me at the airport, in the following order: a) his shoulder to cry on; b) a Silk Cut ULtra Mild (see below)), Marc Convey, Snoopy and Chris Hall, all PokerStars people (who are truly wonderful), Jonathan Raab from Bluesquare, Neil Stoddart, Rolf Woods, Rolf Slotboom, Bjorn-Andre, Stiamo, all PokerDucks, all Norsemen, all Pro-Sharks, Mickey May.

Highlight #6: the PokerStars welcome party

Highlight #7: the effect of my new dress at the PokerStars Welcome Party on all those who had previously assumed I was a boy (everyone)

Highlight #8: beating Daniel three times in a row at backgammon

Lowlights: no Sinead. The fact that the Regency only had one cigarette machine which was never re-stocked. By the end of Day 1 (out of all the brands that spend more than £6.40 a year on advertising) we were already down to just Silk Cut and Rothmans (ie no Camels, Lucky Strike, Benson & Hedges, Marlboros etc etc.) By Day 4, just Silk Cut Ultra Mild (tautology) and Parliaments (the Lidl of cigarette brands, plenty left). The food: killed 15, retired a further 40. The prices: £4.90 for a Red Bull? are they serious???? The hot water (none).

And what have I learned from all this?

Take more cigarettes to events.

Don't let Simon Young have position in a Sit'n'Go.

Do not date people who live nearer to the Arctic Circle than you do: their hearts are made of ice and they will break yours.

And, for every cruel and callous person that you meet, there is always someone unexpectedly lovely and caring round the corner to make up for it.

Finally, here is a picture of a lovely dog that needs a home.